Who has rights to our mind.

I was out with my good friends the other night and I felt like I was in an episode of Seinfeld. They had now read the blog entries and I didn't know which ones they had read but I felt as I spoke like I was speaking for my blog. It's a very weird thing. You see I was writing this initially just to the universe and so I felt there was some godlike creature out there who it was all going to. But now wow I have people reading it and with that comes some sort of weirdo feeling of I don't know. I felt like I wasn't asking questions of them as I normally would but that I was living out a part of my blog and in fact this whole conversation could end up in a blog and that they might think that too. So it all felt very exposed and like my mind was sitting on the table with all of us as we chatted. And then one of my friends said, " I'll be disappointed if we're not in the blog," in a jokey way. But then I was going to write about our wonderful friendship and now I was thinking about all the possibilites for others to direct what was written. What a headf........

Okay calm down Roberta. Well now I am blessed to have so many friends. In fact one particular friend and I the other day, in all our glory, decided we were popular. Don't you love it. Still that's our opinion and it doesn't matter really whether we are or aren't it's our opinion.  So often in life I haven't been strong enough to have an opinion that was very black and white I'm a very grey person and that is wonderful because you can see every side to people's dilemmas --hence popularity !!! but it's a bit wishy washy don't you think.  I love the fundamentalists with their total belief and literal translations.
When my youngest daughter was born I was paid a visit by  a particular group of door knocking fundamentalists and invited them in for afternoon tea. We ended up meeting for afternoon tea at my house every Wednesday and I really enjoyed it. My friends all thought I was a bit desperate hence maybe not quite so popular at the time but I found it very reasurring to sit there talking about our separate beliefs and they were gentle in their prodding and I discovered I did have some particular beliefs.  Each time they visited they would bring another member of the congregation so I think I met most of the  members of their church during that time. My children loved their bible though it was a bit gory.

That time of afternoon teas and discussing the end times with fervour is a gentle memory for me now.
Ahh those were the days!!! Anyway my point was that perhaps my greyness is in fact more opinionated than I thought. I believe that all people are a potential friend and that sometimes it's a challenge to fit yourself into a situation where you can meet them and find that thread that links you. I've loved doing that with people in Pakistan in such different circumstances to here and in all the places of the world I've been. It's such a wonderful belief to know that every person is your potential friend it prevents you from having the usual concerns about whether or not you should speak to someone. YOu just do because they are on the earth with you at the same time. That's it you are all linked by that. So  I loved sitting with a family in their mud hut in the Swat Valley and communicated with them as they washed their mugs and plates in a copper bowl and when I sang for Oasis at the Hyatt and feared initially that they might bang a guitar over my head but found them bopping along to our songs on our first night there. Now that was a headf.... but noone is better or worse than the other we are just all people with a journey that leads us somewhere and the breaks along the way and how you deal with them are where you end up.

Well this all began as a blog to help people with singing and performance and I have certainly strayed. I was taught a wonderful little tip the other day for belting singing. And that is to try crying like a baby would and then lead into singing that power note. You really squish your face up like a baby would too when they cry. It's amazing the sound you can get with that belting singing if you try this method. Another idea is to say 'Hey you' as if calling across the room and then go into singing a belting note on 'you'....Kristin Chenoweth taught me that one in an interview I watched. She should know she has the Cheno note. But I think I'm getting a pretty good handle on that note too. It's all technique people. I believe you can all sing if you want to. And I intend to help as many people around here to sing if they want to. It's such a great thing to do.

Colours

So many of us are lucky to see colour. My son asked me tonight, "Mum what was it like in the olden days. Did it all look black and white?" Interesting!
Given my age I grew up with black and white tv and can still remember the excitement of our first colour tv. Unfortunately that coincided with me doing Year 12 which was really hard because the blue of, 'Gidget's' eyes (remember Sally Field) was so intense and Charlie's Angels so glamorous. I can occasionally still have a moment of 'Wow' with colour tv, remembering the gift that it was when I watch a movie with my kids.

Denial can be so powerful when suddenly you are given the thing that you lacked. Last year I had laser treatment on my eyes. I went in a week from reaching for my glasses on the bedside table in the mornings, to jumping out of bed pulling on my clothes and going for a walk with the dog. Ok, so that didn't last but the absolute amazement of sight still floors me and I remember to take a moment and be grateful.  I got my first pair of glasses in Year 6. We were at the War Memorial in Adelaide and my class were reading all the names on the big panels. That's when I realized that I couldn't see what others were seeing. Until then it hadn't occurred to me. When I first wore the glasses to school it was a real 'eye opener!' because I hadn't seen the freckles and lines on people's faces before and now there they all were.  Over the years I have been lost at the beach when I couldn't find my step-sister and had to go up to some blurry faces and ask, 'Can you point me in the direction of the voice calling my name? ' We laughed and laughed about it afterwards. But there is a fear that goes with being incredibly short sighted as I was (legally blind without the aides). What if you can't find your glasses or what if you are out swimming and you don't find your way back. The same step-sister and I were on a bus from Kathmandu to Calcutta. She had Delhi Belly and kept having to stop the bus for quick runners (so to speak). At one stop at about 2am  my partner nudged me from my lethargy and sent me searching for her. So there was I stumbling about in the dark at some dismal truck stop in the middle of nowhere, again calling her name. We came together and stumbled back to the bus, except as we took the steps up to the seating, my sister exclaimed, 'this isn't our bus!' We were left stranded me, with no sight and no passport and her with no passport and Delhi Belly. We still quote my now famous line, " Cally, one day we'll laugh about this." As the men zeroed in on us offering us rooms to stay and advising us conspiratorially, we became more concerned. Luckily the bus returned for us after delivering people to different towns and we went on our way. I couldn't see a thing except the faces coming up close to me and it was frightening and surreal.

My Mum paid for me to do a 'Natural Vision' course run by a lady called Janet Goodrich who claimed she had restored her sight with eye exercises and the daring act of getting rid of her glasses. Part of the homework was to remove your glasses or lenses and do something out in the world without them. I decided to visit the deli across the road. But when I managed to cross the busy road outside of our house I couldn't tell whether the people were looking at me and after making my way to the counter, didn't know whether to talk or not. We rely alot on visuals when we have sight and the absence of the visuals is very disorienting. Again the anxiety levels rose and the whole experience was like a nightmare. I felt so glad when I could close the front door of my home behind me and retreat to the glasses which I so relied upon. In the exact place where I knew they would be, because when you are that vision impaired, no matter how messy you are, you alway know where you put your glasses.

So now the world is a clearer place for me. I can't believe I am driving around without anything and getting straight up in the morning and walking around my house. We don't all know the extent of each other's differentness and it often amuses me that many people who can see ok choose to wear the glasses all day while the ones who are severely eye challenged often appear normal because they are wearing contact lenses. Nothing is as it seems. Which brings me back to 'colours'. Was the world black and white my son? In some ways it was and for me I liked to remove my glasses occasionally and then it would all be a big blur and I would try to experience the other senses in the comfort of my own backyard and I enjoyed this. No, life was pretty colourful full of family get togethers and green lawns with roses in the front yard much like you have it now. Sleep well precious boy.  

Trivia in my head

Do you remember the year at the Grammy Awards where Faith Hill stepped in at the last moment for Whitney Houston? I do. Do you know the names of the bronze pigs in Rundle Mall in Adelaide? I do- Horatio, Oliver, and Truffles for the record. They were named by children in a competition. Do you remember the show on Oprah where Peter Walsh was helped the lady who was a hoarder and her husband showed hoarder tendencies by being unable to shred his receipts until he'd looked at each one of the thousands. Do you link people's looks and find similarities between say Sean Young and Lorraine Bracco; Brad Pitt and Benicio Del Torro; Susan Sarrandon and Leslie Warren or people you know and movie stars. I have said for years that my god-daughter reminded me of Uma Thurman and she did some new face matching app the other day on her phone and laughed hilariously when the match that was revealed for her face and a movie star was indeed Uma Thurman. Maybe that could be a new job for me matching people to their most likely superstar.  Trivia like that comes to me day in and day out. It drifts across my mind and out again. And I love it and love that I can do that but find there's not much place for it in the day to day doings of my life. Feeding it more now is the use of the Ipad and you tube. Don't you love it. I can check up on any one and see what's happened in their life from start to finish in some cases. We can flick from their very first post to the end days of their lives in a matter of minutes and we can refresh our memories on singers that we've forgotten. I'd forgotten all about Toni Braxton and her beautiful song 'Unbreak my Heart'. And then I found it and her powerhouse performance at the Grammys. Wow. Now she's in my life again and I'm watching her and her sister's in their reality show and it's all so familiar again. It makes me realize that it really is all about that five minutes of fame for everyone. The stars of today won't all be remembered in fact only a few. Wow U-tube gives you access to people like the famous lady conductor of the 1930's can't remember her name but man was she sexy in her backless gowns and the way she moved with her all girl orchestra. Will add the name later. It's a circle she was so advanced then and must have been shocking to many. We see that again now with the choirs and orchestras moving and creating movement as they entertain with their voices. I thought it was all new but this lady was doing it in the 1930's. What an innovator. Be the change you want to see that's what Gandhi said. Be the change you want to see. That's fabulous- keep embracing life and challenge yourself go for something a little outrageous and see how you feel Like my nameless blonde conductor of the 30's be the change be the difference.   

How the movies teach us about life

Have you ever wondered about your children and what they will remember from their years with you. I sometimes wonder about videos and whether we are in fact manipulating what they remember. I am an avid video recorder of special events and everyday moments but often it's a special moment captured and the before and after isn't remembered what led to that moment or what came after. I've recorded me and my child playing a game of barbies but was I ignoring her just prior to this footage or was someone in the house getting upset or was there an unhappy time as has happened. Can I manipulate my son's life to remember more of the good times and is that what we do each day with our children. Bear in mind it's 4am in the morning and I can't sleep as I write this in Australia.

I was fascinated with the character played by Sean Young in the Blade Runner. Harrison Ford's character was in love with her- she was an android. There was a sad scene where she realized that all of her memories of a happy childhood and a mother and father whom she loved were just manipulations processed through her android brain and created for her. It was such an improbable romance but Harrison's character found the weakness in her and the vulnerability and loved it. I loved the movie with Uma Thurman and Ethan Hawke- Gattacca- for the same reason. He was a survivor in a world that had rid itself of much of the weakness that makes us human. I loved that she knew who he was but loved him anyway. I try to do that in my life but differentness is difficult in relationships and sometimes the dark or frail side of a person is the very thing that pushes you away. I know that if I can embrace that in my partner I will see more of the specialness of him.

Don't forget the Logan's Run premise. Michael Yorke's character lived the good life secure in the knowledge that he was one of the elite and had many years of enjoyment left. One day he visits the diary room and discovers that his time is up. The badge embedded in his hand at birth is now shining which means he's one of the hunted. His time is up. Then we see him gain a whole new perspective on how and why the others have chosen to run and hide. He discovers that he wants to live and chances everything because he now has nothing to lose in order to survive. We all wear that green badge on us and we think we have so much time but sometimes that little light goes off earlier than we expected it to. Or we do live a long life but it's still not enough time for what we wanted to achieve. I will find you the saying I read over and over in my twenties. It guided me in so much of what I chose to do. It talks about people trying to get things just right and waiting and hoping but not venturing. Until one day they wake up and they are sixty and it's too late to fullfill some of those dreams. How strange it is now to see that I am on my way to that magic number. Grab the opportunities people remember what Oprah says. It's not luck as people have often said to me about the great opportunities that I've made happen. It's about prepartation meets opportunity.   

An Ode to Wayne and Bella

We once knew a quirky couple in this town who set up a coffee shop called Firenze.All the locals found excuses to eat there just like in the movie, 'Chocolat'. I happened upon it on returning from a walk to the bus one morning where I went to drop my two older children. They would scooter beside me and then I'd stack the scooters under the Emmelunga and keep walking home with my baby daughter Gabrielle snoozing happily and cosily as we went. When I think back I can't believe I managed to do that and get us all organized for our quite significant walk but I guess I was awake and feeding anyway. Well on this day I walked down Taylor Street past what used to be the print and copy shop but instead the windows were all steamed up and I could see an ecledctic mix of chairs and tables inside. The smell of coffee and fine food wafted out to me and I was enticed and captured.As I entered a lady with a soft, shy and beautiful smile nodded in my direction and a rather scruffy curly headed barrista smiled too and began a conversation. Those early days of breastfeeding with my third child became special and golden because of stumbling upon that cafe. Wayne was the best maker of coffee and always experimenting with new blends and finds from different countries. He was a philosopher too and very creative with his musings. I would sit and each day find a new saying or photo or quote somewhere on the wall or ceiling. And Bella, well she was the Juliette Binoche of the Kitchen. The aromas of baked tarts, flans, tuna patties and muffins would waft in my general direction and I was wrapt and alone and together with them in my own special world of baby and mother. They were quite happy to chat as I fed Gabrielle there and we passed an hour together. Later my baby and I  would go there as she grew and now she is four and her and Mummy have a capuccino and a baby chino as we watch the cars go by.

Our time on earth

I am 51 years old now. That is incredible to realize. It's exciting to be this age and final to be this age. And strange to be this age with a young family where I feel so much like a young Mum. I have an 11 year old, a 9 year old and a 4 year old. I didn't realize it but I was a 1 in 1000 chance to get pregnant with Gabrielle my youngest daughter. Wow naievety and just going along for the ride (so to speak) are amazing gifts to have and of course I was just so dam lucky. So here I am reinventing myself again. Living in the country for the past 10 years after a great career in teaching and singing and travelling the world and now I am loving it all over again. Which makes me think that I will keep on reinventing myself at the different ages and each will be great. Still your own mortality looms like the people on 'Logan's Run' you know that green light will turn on one day and your number will be up.

My father died when I was 10 so I know the 'impermanence of life' to quote K.D. Lang (another of my favourite singers- forgot to mention her). I remember going up to communion in Mass and each time just saying that prayer in my head...'please God let Dad get better....I never thought it would happen. I guess when you are ten you believe in the possibilities of life and you don't know as much about death if you have been brought up in a happy family environment as I was. I didn't know what I could do for my Dad as he lay in that bed in their room day after day and I decided that I would tickle his feet. So I was the little girl that sat on the chair at the end of my Dad's bed each day and just tickled his feet. It probably became irritating but he never said. I remember the day he asked me to come and lay down next to him. He wanted me to lie on his outstretched arm and cuddle into him but he was so wasted by that stage that I held myself kind of up off of him in a half lying half suspended kind of way. He told me that he was going to die and he wanted me to take care of my younger brothers and sisters. I started to cry and right at that moment where we were about to share something so poignant my mother knocked on the door and said in a low voice...'Des, Larry Holmes is here to see you.' I remember I had to get up from where we were and walk out. I stood in the kitchen partly shielded by the fridge and I glared at the man who walked past through the kitchen and into Dad's bedroom. I hated that man for years (not his real name). He had come to close the deal on the new car that Dad was buying for our family to have when he was gone. And for years I have had that regret too about Dad and that moment. Later he called us all in...myself and my brothers and sister and we all sat on the bed with Mum and he told us all that he was going to go to heaven and he would still be with us and watching us. We started to cry and I remember this he said, "why are they crying...." a strange thing to say. I don't think he knew what to say. Mum said gently, 'because they are going to miss you Des." almost in a jokey way. It's funny how even in the most tragic circumstances you have conversations that are normal and life still happens. I can't imagine how hard that must have been for them. All of us sitting there on the bed where we had shared our Saturday morning cups of milky tea and cuddles with our parents. And now there they were telling us that Dad wasn't going to be with us anymore.
A few days later Mum told us that Dad was going to be t

My how the time flies

Just discovered this blog again and see that over a year has passed since my last entry. Well I do have an 11 year old boy, a 9 year old girl and a 4 year old girl all on hand to make the days pass delightfully.
I have been involved in a number of singing engagements since my last entry. I assisted my partner to win 'Singing with the Stars," in the Make a Wish Competition held in the Wallaroo Town Hall to an exciting 800 plus crowd. We performed songs from Phantom of the Opera, complete with the fog machine and candles filling the stage. It was such fun choreographing the walk with my lantern through the crowd in darkness. The voice filled the huge hall with the pressed metal tin roof but noone coould immediately work out where the singer was coming from. Then the spotlight lit up the stage door and there he was my partner resplendent in mask and cloak singing in top voice. When he hit that big note in Music of the night the crowd roared and I feigned a fainting spell on my park bench. Then he gently offered his hand and drew me to centre stage as we blended our arms in supplication to the beautiful music of the night. What a glorious time we had on that stage as did all of the other contestants and for such a great cause.

Then in October last year I was lucky enough to have a wonderful committee help see a dream of mine realised. We put together a concert here in Kadina for Disaster Relief and raise a good deal of money for the Red Cross Disaster Relief efforts. The theatre holds 345 people and we filled it on the Saturday afternoon. The team I had working with me could have run any Corporate gig they were so diligent and energetic, I've never seen anything like it for enthusiasm. How fortunate was I to have an idea and then such backers to make it happen. We had local talent perform for the community and everyone had a ball. We had a beautiful visual presentation at the start of photos from around the world endorsed by wonderful photographers working for top magazines who followed up with emails to see how we went.

More recently my business idea is taking form. I have found that people have sought me out for singing lessons over the last few years. The whisper in my head has become a roar and now I have embarked on a turn in the road with my career which seems to encompass all of my previous learning. My main study has been in Special Education for this I worked and succeeded in getting the Bachelor and Masters Degrees. I've worked in the area for many years as a consultant but now see the possibilities for combining my love of singing, my interest in anything to do with visual footage of singers and celebritys and my special ed. background. I am gaining a growing list of students wanting to learn how to sing and perform and hope to extend this to students with special needs.
Will keep you posted.

Tip for the day----When you breathe take your breath right down inside of you. See if you can fill your diagphram with air. You want to expand the rib cage and fill the area inside and around to your back with air and strength to allow you to sing those big notes.  One tip I have learnt is to say 'shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh until you have no breath left and then allow the air to come back in naturally. See how that fills your body and provides a structure or support from which to sing.